"Am I authentic?"
"Is this too good to be true?"
"Lepidolite’s lilac luster is the stuff of princess dreams and fairytales. Something in us rebels when we see it, thinking, that can’t be natural. But Lepidolite’s tranquil tones are the real deal, not manipulated or man-made. Don’t doubt my authenticity and don’t doubt your own, Lepidolite quips. Lepidolite knows that being outrageous - outrageously beautiful or funny or smart - doesn’t make you false. Shining brightly gives other people permission to shine, to show their authentic, multicoloured self. When you’re able to put down your masks, when you recognise the person you see in the mirror, your heart and spirit calm and your soul takes a deep breath. Let Lepidolite support you in breathing in your trueness and basking in your outrageous spirit”.
It's no secret that I love this book and the card set that comes with it. Never have I been so moved by words and also guided into doing my own soul searching while reading something. This morning I decided to randomly pull a card, what I pulled was this one...
Gazing deep into my beautiful, lilac-grey Lepidolite cluster, I see the lessons & teachings Lepidolite has to offer. Maia Tolls words echo out
"Breathe In Your Trueness"
Lepidolite, a member of the mica group of minerals, is made up of many thin layers that are built up over time. Some of those inner layers are a bit worse for wear, cracked, chipped or damaged. Some are wonky and off-centre. It’s as if they almost want to break away from the cluster but have nowhere to go, so they just dangle precariously on the edge. As the thin layers mount up, the formation becomes stronger and stronger and, at the very top, is that beautiful shiny, 'fairytale', metallic, lilac layer. The imagery begins to highlight similarities to life, to my life.
A personal journey
My life has had its ups and downs, like anyone else. I’ve grown, laughed, lost, loved, been off-center and also broken into tiny pieces. My layers (like Lepidolite) built up and I grew stronger and stronger and I've been lucky to reach a shiny top layer. A layer where my authentic self was finally able to shine. The lessons learnt on this journey are nothing new or magical, but I feel we sometimes need reminding, so we don't lose sight of ourselves along the way.
Allow yourself to be you, follow your passions
Easier said than done, right?! Im an introverted empath with a passion for singing, dancing and performing. The majority of my life consisted of caring way too much about what people thought and said about me so, the thought of being scrutinised on stage, was absolutely petrifying. Needless to say, I never followed my passions...
It may have taken 40 (*cough) years, but the freedom to be myself has opened doors I never thought existed, enabled growth and filled my heart. It has also shown valuable life lessons to my little girls. Our local theatre had auditions for their next show, Chicago, a month back. I decided it was finally the time to follow my passions and I walked in and auditioned for Velma Kelly. Yes, the lead in a show even (go big or go home right?!). My little girls came along as my support crew and the proud look on their faces was a win for me right then. I left the audition a little shaky, but feeling like a million bucks. I finally allowed my self to shine. Was it easy? No. Was I totally out of my comfort zone? Yes. Would I do it again? Hell yes!
Don't give up in bad times or good!
Being your true authentic self is hard. It requires courage and strength. It requires confidence... even if it’s a “fake it til ya make it” confidence. It requires determination, focus and selective hearing. You will notice that peoples attitudes around you start to change, as you change. Most for the good, but some, not so good. You try to filter out negative comments and not take them personally. You begin to learn that you can't please everyone and if you try, it's you who wears the stress and fatigue that goes with it. You learn that for some people, it's easier to be there for you in the bad times, but not the good. You learn that people in your life can disappear in a matter of seconds if they see you start to thrive. You try not to doubt yourself or your situation but the phrase "is this too good to be true?", seems to swim through your mind more than you would like it to.
Don't give up! Sometimes in life (in fact the majority of the time), things are never "too good to be true". If they are good, its because they are good! It's because of hard work, pure fight and determination. Hell, even if it's because of luck or the rainbow after the storm, it doesn't matter. It is still real and still true. Once you get this realisation, you learn that by being yourself, doors open to the most amazing places, places you thought never existed. You learn that once you let go of expectations you have for yourself, and that others have of you - you stop questioning if this “is real”. You stop questioning "what will other people think?". Because, at the end of the day, what anyone thinks or says about you, actually has nothing to do with you. Peoples opinions are all reliant on their own personal story. It's not personal to you, its personal to them, their world and their journey.
But wait, theres more...
I think, if I could have given one piece of advice to "younger me", it would have been this...
"What people think about you is none of your business. The second you start caring about what other people think, is the second you stop being yourself."
Is there a moral to this long winded blog?
I don't even know anymore, haha. Talk about a million different tangents. But I guess it's this...
Don't question the 'shiny layer'. It is just as real as the shitty layers in between. I think the whole 'Tall Poppy Syndrome' is totally ingrained in NZ culture, I cant speak for the rest of the world as I'm not there, but I know for a fact that in NZ if you are successful in any area, business, life, personal growth, there is always someone there to try and bring you down. In the past I have wanted to hide the good times because of what people might say or think. Is it selfish to be happy? Or self serving to want to share songs and get on stage to perform? Will people think I'm full of myself? Gahhhhhhhhhhhh! WHO CARES! As long as you're not a dick about it, then who.fucking.cares.what.people.think. We all know life is swings and roundabouts. So bask in the good when its there!
When you allow your trueness, your soul shines and your spirit takes a deep breath in. All is aligned, centred, balanced and grounded. You have the right to bask in this feeling as long as you want. You earned it! It probably didn't come without pain and hard work, contrary to what others may 'think'. You bask in your glory baby and hold on to those friends who are there in the bad times but ALSO come and celebrate you in the good times. They are life's treasures.
Lastly, when you are authentic, you also inspire others and give them permission to let their own soul shine. Watching this metamorphosis in someone is not only beautiful but also rewarding. If you can be the catalyst for someone else's happiness by simply being yourself, then thats a win win in my eyes.
All this from a bit of Lepidolite x
PS - I got the part! (cue shameless plug for LPAS Chicago showing November 27th - December 12th).